The Urge

So I am having this urge to not write. To not express what has been happening to me today... It is something that happens to me A LOT. I get complacent feel like now would be a good time to take that break! Yeah... then a 10 minute break turns into a 2 hour hiatus! Inspiration gone...just like that...

Where to begin...hmmm don't really know

Been taking an inventory of how I think today as well as what I am thinking about... I get annoyed with people pretty damn easily... In traffic at cross walks etc. for no apparent reason either... When I caught myself doing it...I just said my mantra Change My Thoughts, Change My Life....

I know it is only day two but I am taking this seriously!

AS AN ARTIST I HAVE FAILED MYSELF...

That is not to say I have not done work that I am proud of, but I have been approaching my pursuit of it with a blue collar mentality

Nothing wrong with that right? No not at all ...as long as you are working or pursuing blue collar career...

My point is that I would act as if I could only be productive for an 8 hour stretch of the day...If I was not productive early in the morning my day was a total waste and that I had to be doing something for someone else for it to mean anything...Right???

Seriously...has been my line of thinking...I've been so hell bent on being "balanced" that I didn't realize I was so far away from having a truly creative mindset...

The remedy???

Haven't gotten that far with it yet... I am still delving into that part of my Soul that aches to be truly free... Unfolding and releasing the layers that have been built up over time masquerading as me but really just a vague idea or perception I reenact time and time again...

In other words... I have been hiding behind mediocrity doing just enough to say I am doing it, but not nearly enough to bring me the gratification I truly want from my art...

These blogs are a start... even now I have the urge to dig deeper... to keep reaching to not stop when it get uncomfortable...to expose my vulnerabilities until the point where they become assets...

Hmmm.... don't really know what to write at this point... It is something now that I know is out there for me to adjust and shift...