Growth and Expansion

"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional" Unknown


Been toiling back and forth a lot about what to say in this blog. Wrote, deleted stuff and rewrote it again quite a few times. Then I realized I was writing some extra guarded things. The purpose of me writing these entries is not to say I have the answers or anything like that. It is to explore my growth and expansion and some days retractions. I read a blog from someone (can't remember who) whose honesty touched me in a way that I had to get on that path, and share things as I experience them. I have seen a lot of times people criticize others (positive and negative) as they share their experiences, instead of going within themselves and figuring out what their journey. Easier choice to play the sidelines and be the Monday morning Quarterback, than to actually get in the "Game Of Life" and improve on ourSelves...I know from first hand experience because I have been very much guilty of this and n0t just in some far off time, but in my recent history as well.

I have a passion about people! I love to people watch. That is my passion as an artist. I love to observe the way relationships evolve and unravel. It is amazing the way people interact with each other and unconsciously make decisions based on whatever is happening in their life at that particular moment. My goal as a filmmaker and writer is to bring these intricacies alive. When I watch a film even if it is an action film, I am always curious about the characters "backstory"...I love to talk to people find out more about who they are. I just love it. I love Life! Laughing is also very important to me. Just had to say that.

Rushing

When a book is extremely good to me I have a tendency to wanna rush to the end of the chapter or the end of the book sometimes. Inevitably, what happens to me then is that I have to back track because I missed some pertinent information that ties the whole story together, and because I missed it I am left confused about so and sos part in the plot. I am noticing that same pattern of behavior in my relationships. If it is good to me I wanna rush to the good part(not merely physical) and I(we) miss out on vital things that would make the relationship that much stronger.

I am very conscious of time. How long it should take to do something, being on time and many different things of that nature. This being said, I have always felt I was doing my meditations "wrong" because it was hard for me to "sit still"for 10, 15 or 30 minutes. My mother once lost a bet with my aunt that I couldn't sit still and keep quiet for 5 minutes, and so the seed was planted and the habit in place... "That boy just just can't sit still"... While having a conversation with a very good friend yesterday it was "rebrought" to my attention to start with 30 seconds or a minute and go from there. This made perfect sense, but what even worked "better" for me after some more thought is doing smaller meditations and moments of silence throughout the day. It worked wonderfully for me yesterday(and this morning)! I was much more focused and able to relax when I took those moments as they came and went into stillness instead of worrying about one large chunk. Which then reminded me of something I said to someone earlier in the week. God doesn't recognize time. Time is a man made construct. If my purpose of meditation and stillness is to connect to God(which it is) then length of time should not matter over quality.

The Path

Opening myself up to the new! Releasing the readiness to sabotage something that feels right. Breaking the old patterns and living strictly in the moment has been a goal or objective of mine for quite a while now. I have mentioned a few times I am constantly looking out of the proverbial rear-view mirror of life, causing unnecessary stress in the process. I have proven time and time again that the laws I continuously speak of work, I just have let them work in my favor. I have dwelt on things that no longer serve me and my "bigger" and "brighter" future. I imagined the worse and claimed to be shocked when it happened. Well I am seeing the need to run from that which is good because I fear messing it up or not being worthy of it. Recognition and changing the unwanted behavior was something I talked about but made minimal efforts to do it. Talk is cheap as they say. This next phase is gonna take effort, not struggle, but some much needed effort to rise above those fears that change can bring.

I am excited not for only my tomorrow, but for my Now. I am excited that Now is the time when I can create consciously my Life. Now is when I can speak my truth and allow it to blossom. Now is what I always avoided, but is where I always am. Now is beautiful, but I refused to look. Now I am ready...I used to say ready for whatever and I got whatever...literally...so I will say(and Be) I am ready for the best of things and the best of life. Yes

This song

Makes it all seem better...

Sometimes you just know...

The words don't come, and it doesn't always make sense...you just know...you can't explain it even to yourself, but you just know! You don't need to justify it to yourself or anyone else it just fits cause you know. You aren't concerned with what tomorrow will bring or anything else. The things that seemed important are now deemed insignificant because you just know. It works for you now cause you know. The knowing brings a smile to your face and eases the insecurities of yesterday. You know. You may wanna tell it, but it is best to just show it. You know, the truth works like that. The truth is that. I know and am ready to show...

Vision Quest

So I was gonna write about what I perceive as certain level of unhappiness in people. I've been working in the public customer service sector lately and have come across many different attitudes. As I sat down and started to type I realized I should not give it any more energy than the one sentence I have already given it. There are so many beautiful souls surrounding me that deserve so much more of my attention and energy. The the concept of life and the journey has been on my mind. The comparisons of life and a car ride if you will, focusing on what is in front of you and not what is behind you and keeping your eyes on where you want the car to go. In life (and sometimes in the car) I have focused on what is in the rear view and not what is in front of me. It's all about recognition and I am recognizing it is time to truly acknowledge the Beauty and Divinity that surrounds me. That is Me!

Instead of focusing on the negatives in the convention show I worked on I wanna talk about the cat David who always had a smile on his and kind word for everyone around him. He made the days absolutely hilarious. I wanna talk about Kit who is simply amazing and a joy to talk to every time we chat. Or Nicole whose undying support and comfort is invaluable and can't be put into words. Big Sis Jovida who has been my "protector" since day one. BGaff from BK who constantly challenges me compassionately to strive higher. The countless people who I have only dialogued with online whose creativity is a motivational as life long friends. These are just a few of the amazing souls who motivate and inspire me daily and more. I love my Life and the people in my Life. I am truly Blessed.