21 Day Challenge-Day 6

To be alive
Agape International
Sense of humor

Mortal Lives

One day we will wake up and be gone. Life as we know it will have ended. Loves ones will cry and other may not. There will be a void left where your presence once stood. Life is that valuable, that precious and honestly that fragile for some. Things can happen in a split second. Your food can go down the wrong way, or you can cross the street at the wrong time. Any number of things can happen in a moments notice. I try not dwell on it too much, but since my Moms was 36 when she passed sometimes it just hits me. Or when I am thinking about someone I adore and that one of us will out last the other. I don't know it is kind of weird to me really. I mean I have my beliefs about the after life, but for real I don't really know what happens after that last breath. 


So yeah, remember nothing is a given. Say frickin' thank you when someone does something nice for you. Smile back when someone smiles at you (provided it ain't creepy). Do something random like run through the rain (I was gonna say in your undies, but that would be creepy). Feed someone's meter or leave the change in a soda machine for the next person. I guess my point is...DON'T TAKE SHIT OR YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY! I mean I have causes and beliefs that I am passionate about, and I put in mad effort but life goes on with or without me. I take my personal health serious but not too serious where it infringes on others ability to be around me. That's what I mean when we take ourselves so seriously that others can't have an idea or thought that contradicts our narrow view of the world...

Anywho! It is almost my bedtime and as I thought about my prayers and family it hit me to write what was on my heart at this moment.

Peace & Love,
MAB

American Promise

Because it is necessary to share these type films.

Sorrow

Today a deep sorrow hit me.

One that I hadn't felt in sometime. It has been 27 plus years since I've been able to hug my mother...

I will never be able to do it again...

It hurts...

I hurt...

There are no words that can make it better...there is only one mother's hug...one mother's love

I'm grateful for the surrogates in my Life...

My aunts were/are amazing to me...

Still...

Some days it just hurts...

Mother's Day

Birthday

Some years are easier that others...

Some days I'm a wreck...

Time heals...

Still...

Some days it just hurts...

An oversimplification...

Random thoughts....

The film....

The Video...Pharcyde Runnin'

Like Father Like Son

Last Thursday my Pop was in a car accident. It was a 5 car collision and the person who rear ended him was either texting or something but she didn't break and that led him to hit the car in front of him and so forth and so on. The lady who hit him, her car flipped twice. I am thankful that he is okay (and the driver of the other cars as well), he is a little sore, but he is doing well otherwise. I went to Philly to check on him this weekend. I took him grocery shopping and just spent a few hours with him. I'm realizing as we grow older tomorrow is not promised and we have to cherish each moment. I was planning to go down that way this weekend (Philly/South Jersey) to see my niece off to her junior prom (she looked beautiful) so I decided to extend my stay and check in on him and my aunt as well. Even though I am very much a loner and love my me time, my family is very important to me. Sometimes I get so rapped up in my own world of activities that I forget to check in and simply say I love you. I take for granted that they know this but it is always nice to hear....

So yeah, while hanging with my Pops I just listened and I really noticed that we do have a lot of similarities in the way we think. On top of having similar mannerism as well. My mother always told me I walked with my Pop. This is peculiar to me, because I was not raised by my father; actually we had very little contact until my early 20s. Our relationship has been an exercise in forgiveness on probably both behalf's because I was passive aggressive and held a grudge longer than I needed to. He constantly reminds me to let go of yesterday and live in the moment. Build on the good things that happen and let go of the negative things. He has said this to me for 20 years now, but my bitterness didn't let me hear it for half of those years. I need to grow up, be a man a learn to forgive. I have and I am a better man for it.

Bottom line is, I am my father's son. I am of course paving my own way through life and am learning as I go along. He told me years ago he won't give me advice unless I ask because they are my choices and I have to live them and then he said..."plus you gonna do what you want to do anyway." I appreciate that, he supports me in what I do and doesn't dwell on the choices I make that may not turn out as I hoped. It is my turn to continue to accept him as he is, which in the overall scheme of things is pretty darn good. Funny, I feel like a kid when I am around him now, even though he never treats me like one. Just a thought popped into my head. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for him as a man and as my father, and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to spend this time with him. So many cats never get that opportunity, so no more whining about what wasn't. It is about the present moment. 

Side note on the end of this...
I was impressed that when we went shopping he bought healthy things read the labels for sodium content, and stayed away from red meat and pork. He has hypertension, so it is good to know he is watching what he eats.

Do Something

This Journey

I've been thinking a lot lately about this journey, my journey, this Life, my Life. After my friend took his life, a feeling of mortality really hit me. Life is short and precious...Our time is valuable, or should be at least. We matter to someone somewhere out there. Even if we may not see it or believe it. So many times many of us go through life not knowing we are loved simply because. True love requires no return investment (although it would be nice). People may love us from afar or via a casual encounter somewhere, and something about us touched a place in their heart. The way we smiled or held open a door for someone and let them pass first. The slightest gesture can inspire feelings of love from another. I am speaking on that intangible love, by the way, not the Hollywood romance type of thing. 

Anyway, I began this blog a while ago to track the changes in my life. To share my experiences as I change my thought to change my life. Looking back on it now it was kind of vague because change could mean anything. I wasn't as clear then in my own mind as to what it is I wanted or was seeking. Ask and It is Given, but what am I asking for? At the time I may have been clear but through evolution, space and time we realize that life is so much more than just what we previously experienced. Yeah, so I was starting this blog because I was unhappy, dissatisfied or eager for something new in my Life. Chances are it was surrounding money since I always seemed to be unhappy financially, but I digress. So again the question arose in me today, why am I doing this? What is it that, before I physically leave this planet, would leave me totally fulfilled? 

As a child 3 things that people said about me resonate the most. I was sensitive (a cry-baby/mommy's boy), funny and had a vivid imagination. Although Moms is not here to a certain extent all 3 are still very true. They've been my foundation and the thing I retreat to when I need a release from the real world. I've added other dimensions to my personality but at my core these are the elements I've carried with me the longest. They've sustained me... I hide the sensitivity part because... well I just did.  Lately though with so much turmoil in the world, it has been more difficult to just tuck it away. So I use a pen, pad and camera to work through it. The thing that I am working on is "worrying" about how it will be received, and simply letting it Be. 

MAB

Pieces Of A Man
Gil Scott-Heron

Let's Be Social

So yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine about a myriad of things as we usually do, and the topic of R&B singers came up. He said that there weren't as many good "singers" today as it was in our day (I know we sound like our elders before us but hey). As the conversation went on I realized that part of the issue may be social networking and how entertainment is disseminated  to the public. My point was and is that now people don't really have a focus on live shows, because even the live show are digitized and auto-tuned. Anyway, this is not an indictment of any sort just a recognition if you will of some differences.  

The Voice

This blog is about using our voice and not being afraid of being redundant when speaking your voice even if that point has been hammered home by others. We need more voices and more variety in those voices when speaking on issues that matter. Sometimes we may be alone in speaking our mind and that is really when you need to raise your voice whether in speech or action. 

Peace,
MAB

The Light

In our own unique way, I believe each of us are seeking The Light. Whether it be the Light at the end of the tunnel or a light within ourselves that lets us know everything will be okay. We want it and we need it, but we've managed to somehow let that light dim or believe that it is too far away to see and achieve so we've given up. I know on many occasions I've wanted to pack it in and call it a day, but that voice on the inside keeps me searching and seeking that Light! It is not always literal giving up, but many of us wake up every day defeated and resigned to our previous days fate unwilling or unable to see something new and refreshing in this day. 

I watched PBS NewsHour last night and it is by far a better news source than anything else out there. I didn't feel manipulated, frightened or worried about my Life while watching it. It was literally just reporting followed by a couple of feel good worthy stories at the end. It had me thinking about other "news" sources and how their quest for ratings has taken the focus away from true journalism into a type of variety show. It dims our Light. It has us fearing the invisible that may or may not ever happen. It doesn't teach us to search for the answers and seek out our Light. It doesn't inform us on how we as a nation and as a people can be of service to others and a healing Light to the world. It leaves us empty, it is calories without substance.

My Light gets dimmed every once in a while! I begin to focus on the things that aren't going right or going the way that I may have wanted them to go, and lose sight of the bigger picture in and for my Life. I intended to write a scathing blog today on people's (via the media)  laziness and all that, but in the end it is better to shine a Light than curse the darkness as they say. Go outside today, this morning even and as Richard Pryor said in his autobiography, "let a little sun hit your face." 

Peace & Love,
MAB

Why are ye so fearful?

"And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?" 
Mark 4:40

Let me first that I picked that version of the parable because it is from the book of Mark. Kidding. Kind of. Anyway, as I was going through my twitter feed today checking out tweets and just observing the variety of tweets that people post. Some are direct and some beat around the bush, some clever and others mean spirited. I came across some folks though that don't care and not in the negative way at all, but they have a point to make and they will say it. I don't know if that is my style but I applaud and appreciate the boldness, and not just boldness for the sake of being bold but also with (in my opinion) a valid beef, point or observation. Boldness also doesn't have to be loud and obnoxious, and I think we have misconstrued the two. We have managed to equate boldness and strength with loudness and in affect managed to watch a whole of lot strong men and women get turned away and frustrated because their needs were not met. As a society we lose out because this, valuable resources are lost and communities get overlooked and turned away. 

So, yeah what does this have to do with fear and me? I am glad you asked. I've kind of looked at film-making and art as my voice and the way that I speak and get my point across. Today I realized that may not be enough for me. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine right before I moved from L.A. and at the end of the conversation she said to me, "I didn't know you were so political." I was shocked at myself because social activism and politics are important to me (not the political parties mind you) and I had managed to not speak up on it. Which brings my to the fearful part, because of my  leanings are sometimes very far from the mainstream and some would even call radical I feared getting into confrontations over it. I am very passionate about things and often my conversations on politics (and Tyler Perry movies) get heated. So I managed to kind of just let things ride and keep my views to myself. As I look for balance and serenity in my life I need to find ways to release and discuss my feelings without getting heated or worry about ridicule or being  right. 

I really don't go back to often and check my prior posts. I think one day I will just grab a cup of  green tea and read away. I am sure or at least hope I have had some posts that talk about my feeling on politics and how I feel socially about things. If not here is a quick breakdown. Real quick. Mainstream media is whack (biased and uninformative)! We need a third party (fourth and fifth too), we need major education re-haul where nothing is left off the table (even questioning the unions role in its decline) I don't care for either major party. One is better than the other but both have serious flaws. Yeah, anyway this post when I first started was about changing my thoughts, I realize that some don't need changing just verbalizing them in a productive way.

Heavy Heart

Today I heard that a great friend of mine passed away a few weeks ago. Even though we had not spoken in a little while, the impact of his kindness, generosity and humor will always be with me. My prayers go out to all who have lost a loved one recently. Cherish the relationships in your life. They are important and necessary. Much Love. 

Peace

No control

Relinquishing control over our lives can be challenging for those of us who feel we have no control to begin with.

Projections Of The Way Life Used To Be.

So today while having a conversation with a great friend of mine, I was about project my fears on spending, saving and loot in general. As I was about to express my opinion I stopped myself for a couple reasons. Well really one reason...HE DIDN'T ASK ME! Basically had I shared my opinion it would have been Ego and fear driven based on my own insecurities. 

To often in life we are too willing to share when it isn't warranted or welcomed. We have to know when what we our sharing is a help or a hindrance. The human ego is a powerful tool! I don't believe it is always as bad as people make it out to be when used properly so to speak. It has allowed me to know when to say when and when to push through.  It can be useful when trained to be. 

So I guess the moral of the story is to STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE! Unless someone asks you to merge.

Dreams vs Fantasy

So a few things have been on my mind lately...actually quite a few things...on the top of the list what makes something a dream and what makes it a fantasy...


is it other peoples opinions on the matter?

is it the realistic chance of obtaining such thought?

is it a matter of right place, right time?

Chance?

It has been on my mind for various reason...In my life I've been caller a dreamer (I'll take that) and that I live in a fantasy world (hmmm...not so much...well maybe)  

I mean there is a difference between wanting to marry the model on the cover of SI swimsuit issue and  setting your sights on being an artist, writer or ventriloquist right?

Who determines this though?

Is there a difference between obsessing on something and focusing on it?

I dunno...

Just random thoughts...

Keep dreaming and keep believing I say...

The Masks We Wear

So this morning I saw an article warning police officers to wear masks in downtown LA because of a TB outbreak. The thought that popped into my head was how we as a society are warned on a daily basis to wear many masks of different sorts. We become accustomed to masking our true feeling, our real wants and our deepest desires. We live in fear of really being free and hide behind masks of mediocrity and complacency. We wear many masks and many of them are rarely our own.