????

I be having heavy bouts with myself...battling between the things I say and the things I do.

They don't always coincide...

Today I have been having deep anxiety happening with me, i feel like something is missing in this...day, quest or whatever...I have not been able to pinpoint the source of my uneasiness

Gotta meditate on it...

It seems like whenever I make progress in examining the issues that are racking my brain and keeping me stagnant something happens and I stand still... I forget it or get frustrated and then abandon my practice. I am not ready to do that this time. I am seeking that wellness internally that will free me of the limiting circumstances that I often find myself in.

The fear of not having enough has been popping up these last 2 days as well... Moving with fear that I can't afford things. That I cannot provide for myself and all that other jazz that permeates through my consciousness from time to time. Actually more than just time to time... It is a weekly if not daily occurence. I have a unreliable relationship with money. It is one thing, maybe the most important, that I must improve on. I cannot will not and should not walk around with that big weight on my shoulder.

It is very debilitating...

It has a lot to do with my sometimes lack of faith in my own abilities... I seek acceptance from others in lieu of me accepting me.

I put more weight on the opinions of others about me than I put on my own opinion about myself

I have to walk in faith that I am more than capable and that I believe that I can do what I set out to do without the "blessings" of other to validate my self worth...

This journey has been a blessing for me.. the best therapy I have had in sometime...

No time to stop now... I have to move forward and map out my own destiny