On and On

Wow... I didn't get to post a blog yesterday, but it was a totally amazing day... The energy I was receiving and actually giving as well was phenomenal... I am beginning to see that I am not alone in this journey of mine... I am also realizing that for me the struggle that I was encountering was in large part self-inflicted...

The seeds of doubt...

Can be a powerful thing if you allow enough water to sprinkle on them... this evening that almost happened to me, but I am keeping that internal dialogue moving forward...

I appreciate ME!

Funny how fragile the psyche can be, if we are not aware of the things we allow to meander into our thoughts about ourselves...

I am inadequate! Which was something I felt for a looooong time... Now I know this to not be a true statement or (even more important) feeling to have...

I am more than worthy...

This has not been easy for me...it would be oh so much easier to just stay in that comfort zone of mediocrity not quite having enough but having a little bit more than nothing...

I could easily keep complaining while taking absolutely no steps to correct the things I complain about...Naw that is no longer an option

Hmmm....

There is something else that is longing to come out...to express itself through me...

Really can't pinpoint it or can I and am just afraid to explore it more...

I still feel like I am forcing issues again... in certain areas... Trying to make things fit where there is not compatibility at all...

I guess I am talking about my desire to be in a relationship...

*gasp*

Yeah... I am all over the place with that one...even as I claim to have set my intentions on the type of relationship I desire and that is healthy for me...

My actions are not coinciding with that intention...

I have refrained from really making known that I do want this...I dunno... fear of having to depend on someone and even more frightening them to have to depend on me... I have been a soloist my whole life practically...

Not seeing very many successful and healthy relationships and all that has had me doubting whether I am capable...

Fear over how I handle money has also crippled my assertiveness in that area...

The first step is being honest with me about what it is I am looking for in a woman...and being clear as well on the positives that I bring with me, and moving(living, acting) from that place...

Yeah...

all that being said... I am really happy with the dialogue I now have with myself... I am happy that I finally begun the process and am extremely happy to watch it unfold...