Letting Go

Funny how the mind can really play tricks on us... If we are not cognizant of it while it is going down... I kind of stopped blogging and in doing that some old habits started to reformulate in my psyche... Things that I thought I let go of attempted to rear their ugly heads once again, and I was truly falling(or about to fall) hook, line and sinker for it... the okey doke as my peoples use to call it... I would use psychology like well since I see it is happening that makes it different... not making and effort to rectify it mind you but being aware was enough(so I would tell myself)...

Holding on to things that had no place in my Life anymore and making too much room for them at that. It's like letting someone in your crib that you know should not be there for whatever reason and not only do you let them in but you give them the master bedroom! Word... that is what I allowed to happen this month... I let negative and unproductive thoughts in and gave them free dominion over my Mind! Like here man here you go, I have nothing better to do so you do what you need...

As I type this I am physically tired but in a lot of ways it is symbolic because I tired from the mental sparring I went through this month with myself over things that I clearly know are not at worthy of my attention... I would like to say I am frustrated with myself but honestly it would serve no actual purpose and would allow me to only waste more time... Instead I am grateful that I caught it and am ready, willing and able to move forward with Love in my Heart for Me... I am saying Yes to things that I would never even consider saying Yes to opportunities(freedom), Yes to change(for my betterment) and Yes to the Divine! No had become such a staple in my daily vocabulary diet, that it was truly strange to have a new and improved dialogue... Consistency is the key... I got this way from years of whatever(and who cares really)... I have to consistently remind myself that wasn't really me through affirmation, meditation and prayer... I've seen it work for me in small doses...now is the time to step out on that Faith...Yeah... I am Blessed to be where I am and doing so many things that I Love to do and am Passionate about, with folks who are equally Loving and Passionate...that is where my attention has to be...and Is! And So It Is! Yes!

It's been a long time...

Well almost 2 weeks since my last blog. And well it has been sort of a roller coaster ride of emotions and such. I did some hibernating to really get the the crux of what it is I need to happen for me to be successful... Yeah...

I am...

Right! See things be happening in my head and I be living there for a mighty long time thinking my way away from the things that bring me Joy...It's a process and I can see clearly the progress I've made in this process...

I am Grateful...

Sometimes I allow myself to focus on what I do not want to happen...which in turn allows it to happen because that is where my focus and attention lie...kind of like when we go to a restaurant and look at the menu... We can say all day what we don't want off of the menu, but until we actually tell the waiter what it is we do want we will continue to be hungry...

I am Understanding...

A little bit more each I getting to know me better. I like it. I like Me... I know I have to Love Me, but I genuinely like me as a person...That was not always easy for me to say because I wore so many masks trying to please so many different folks. I am past that phase of my Life now. I am truly content on just being Me. The best one I can be at that....

I stopped blogging for a minute because I really didn't want to do it just to do it. I wanted to express shifts in my Life and I feel that I am again undergoing a transition. Honestly we are always shifting but some (to me)are more significant than others and that is what I am feeling right now. That something is formulating and looking to express Itself through me.

I used to always take the anxiety attacks I would get as a negative but lately I have been thinking that this may be something different. That I am anxious because something positive is developing and instead of medicating it away I am meditating it in...

I am excited, nervous and a whole lot more right now...I've picked a date to shoot my film...I have people on board to help make it happen and I look forward to watching it unfold(first-hand)

Dope Art

That is very much a subjective thing. I get that and I am not here to be a judge and critique things. No, that is not the purpose of this blog today...

What I will rap about is how amazing artists and their art move me.

Yeah...

When I am creatively blocked, I can look at a picture, listen to a song or watch a movie... whatever it may be and I am instantly(most times) elevated out my humdrums and back on course...

Today was very much that type of day... First I listened to Mos Def new CD(download whatever it is called nowadays)... anywho there is this song on there called Roses that just picked me up so much I had to listen to it over and over again...Right... so now my Spirit is raised as I am walking through Studio City getting my energy flowing again...

BAM...

I get home and log onto facebook...why not??? and a cat I knew from way back when sends me a chat link to his online radio show...

BOOM...

Old Skool Philly Classic stuff is blazin' in my ear... now my creative block is really getting lifted and I am seeing colors, shapes, ideas and things I have not seen in a while...

Then I think back to this weekend and the benefit show I was Blessed enough to volunteer at on Saturday and the Artists who graced the stage that day...

Now I am really grooving, and remember what I told myself a while ago...

Art is not always created in an instant!

Sometimes(most times) it has to marinate in the mind(imagination) for a while and take shape...form Itself...get its own breath!

It will not be done from 9 to 5( on some days it may work out that way...hooray if it does) so I have to stop beating myself up over that, and allow it to Be what it is going to be...

I can see the definite progress, and I know I am closer than I have ever been to finishing my film and my EP to follow...

Life is so very Grand...The is the Truth I have to remember...

Desire

It has been 2 weeks since I last put my thoughts, words and ideas about MySelf and My Life down in the blog... I felt the urge to push it back again today...wait until tonight or whatever, that would be the best time I kept telling myself but in actuality it was just another way to procrastinate and put off what has to be done...

The thing is this blog has truly helped me in ways I hadn't realized until the last few days. Putting your ideas and all that out there for whomever to see is therapeutic of course but it is something also much larger. I cannot really quite grasp what the word is I am looking for but I feel freer when I do this. I feel alive and invigorated sort of the same way as when I create my art, whether it is writing, creating a song or working on my screenplay. Creativity is my Life's purpose. I was born to create, and in that process I've learned to be creative outside of what is normally considered creative avenues. I've learned to be creative in my giving back(or paying It forward). I found ways to meet my desire to help others without it taking a toll on me and burning me out.

A few days ago as I was sitting down to pray and meditate and get my whole "mind right", getting back that sense of balance that was starting to escape me, then I realized I had never really truly explored how I want my Life to look. I mean I have said it in passing the things in Life I want etc., but I never really took the time to explore the things My Soul Desires... beyond just the surface wants and all that. I know my purpose is to be creative but how does that look, and how does it manifest itself. I felt the need to be more specific without suffocating It at the same time. As I started to explore this I was expecting some grandiose elongated list of things, but It was very Simple! Very Freeing and Very Me. The lesson I learned from doing that exercise was that there is profound beauty in simplicity. Life doesn't have to be complex to beautiful. Appreciate the small things that make me smile.