The Illipsis: on Ferguson, riots and human limits

Nina Simone: An Artist's Duty

Unlearning

This morning I read an article with Willow and Jaden Smith. It was, for me, an incredibly beautiful interview about life, art and process.

It had me thinking about the things we learn or are taught about what it means to be successful. Much of that was foreign to me, and it rarely felt right.

Our caregivers, parents or whomever is reared us did the best they can with what they have. Most times. It is done with love.

I believe that.

I also believe the true learning process starts sometime thereafter.

Experience.

No one can teach us that. Books and things help, but for me it has always about the feeling.

I need to feel it. I want to know how it felt to you.

Not on a surface level, but deep down in your soul.

That is living.

That is learning.

That's where I am.

Monday Morning Musing 11/17/2014

It is funny...I Love MySelf has been my Mantra for the last 4 days or so, then I see this...

Doing The Work!

Let me first start off by saying that I do not consider myself to be a “hard” worker. Rarely do I burn the midnight oil working. Many many times in my life it has been pointed out how “slow” my pace is, and how it doesn’t seem like I exert much energy. Since being rushed rarely jives with me, I choose to allot enough time to daydream, procrastinate and fuck off when doing my work. Whatever that work may be at the time. For so many years I thought something was wrong with me because even the things that excite rarely altered my pace. When I glance in the mirror I see a very passionate person, so desire and passion part haven’t been a problem. Then I realized that nothing is indeed wrong with me ( at least not in terms of this topic), and I do not need to work like everyone (or anyone) else. My process is my process. It by enlarge works for me. Perfection does not exist, so there have been times where my pace has come back to bite me in the ass. I mean like take an extremely large chunk with it. The recognition that I do not work “hard” has allowed me to adjust my thinking and methods. I believe in working smart, and maximizing my efforts and energy.

Over the last week I made some adjustments to my routine and have reaped amazing benefits. I have always been a morning person, but since I am an artist it has somehow become a thing that I am supposed to stay up late because that is when creativity is at its highest. That doesn’t work for me. For one I am freshest first thing in the morning, so this week I’ve made a point to do my Brooklyn walks first thing in the morning. Then when I get back to put in work writing and creating before my job starts. A couple things happen when I have worked this way. One, I can focus on work when I start instead of fixating on what creative work I need to do later on, and B I am not drained mentally from putting in a full day’s work. There is no decompression or unwinding period necessary. This is what works best for me, and I am good with that. Each person has to find their way, and tinker with it as you see fit. It is not about anyone else. It is all up to you.

A few days have now elapsed since I began writing this post (oh the irony). So many different things and ideas have come up as to how and if to finish. Yeah! Vulnerability and its place in my work and life arose. First realization…I am not good at it. Second…I would like to work on the first, and C sometimes, most times…well there are times when we need to let people in to help us with said work. I am not good at that either. Patience…working on that too, but I am so much better than I was. Lastly the things that were really reinforced…enjoy the ride, live life fully and don’t succumb to fear. Work can and should be enjoyable, especially since this type of an exploration is an ongoing process. 

Monday Morning Musing 11/10/2014

Harry Belafonte acceptance speech...

Monday Morning Musing 11/3/2014

A thought!

Legacy

Many years ago I would frequent this spot called The Bounty in Los Angeles. I enjoyed The Bounty for many reasons there were older patrons there who had fascinating stories about music, arts and old LA to share. It had a Cheers kind of vibe to it. I met some truly incredible people there.  We shared plenty of drinks, laughs and debates over the years. One of the people I came to know, admire and love was an older cat named Frank. When I first met Frank our friendship was mostly filled with loud arguments and disagreements, not exclusively but yeah. Looking back on it now we were both passionate about the Black community, and that passion mixed with alcohol can be volatile and blinding. Funny thing happened though; I moved from the neighborhood and didn’t come around as much. When I came back I noticed a shift in Frank, he had lost weight and wasn’t nearly as hostile.  He was more willing to engage, listen and ask questions. This in turn allowed me to do the same. He had changed diet, cut down on the drinking and become more flexible in his views. This is not that common for someone well into their 60s. He shared with me his reasoning, and our friendship shifted to a mutual respect and admiration. I learned a lot from Frank. I also helped him with computer and social media questions he was having. I learned from Frank that it is never too late to change, grow and/or adjust. I am grateful for that and the many lessons I learned from him.

I bring up Frank and The Bounty because in one of our earliest conversations Frank mentioned that I should begin to think about what my legacy will be on this planet. Before then I never really quite thought about it before. Legacy! He pointed that everyone has a legacy no matter how big or small.  I’ve wondered since then if legacy is something that we have complete control, or if someone’s perception of the situation can alter our individual legacies. So many questions! I’m the inquisitive type with a small bout of perfectionism to boot. I mean, I know who I think I am and that is all I can really control, but I also know that I’ve had good intention and still made horrible choices. It happens. I think I’ve done more “good” than “bad” but that is my interpretation of me. The flip side is should I really care of others perception of me? What seemed very clear cut at one point snowballed into myriad of questions and alternate scenarios.  The solution I am working on is to simply do my best, be clear with my intentions and tell my truth. I believe those are the best ways to honor and create my legacy.

While walking down Church Avenue the other day, I watched a mother interact with her child. I for some reason had no doubt that the mother loved her child, but if you only looked at the surface it might not be as clear. She was cussing and was clearly frustrated with the child in that moment. I thought back to Frank and the issue of legacy. It also had me thinking about the things we pass on and carry down. So much of what we do as a society is inherently passed down blindly from one generation to the next. If we think it worked for us then that is what we pass down. Even if we do not think it worked for us, it may be all we know. If our experiences do not show us anything different, we may not know that an alternate solution exists. People find it hard to believe, but in my experience it is “the truth”. I was spanked or whooped whatever you want to call it as a child. Luckily I also encountered kids who were not spanked and didn’t go to jail or become some unsavory character as we are led to believe would happen if the rod was spared. Since I was not a fan of being spanked and saw alternatives it dictated my view on how I would raise my children if or when I would have them. For some it is just easier to carry on what you know. Seeking alternatives takes time and effort. Instead of judging other in moments like that, I simply ask myself what am I carrying with me and is it my choice.