Are you happy? That is a question I've been asked a lot lately by folks when discussing my transition back to NYC. For the first time in years my answer is unequivocally YES! In all seriousness though, my last few years in LA were mired in stresses. I put on a good facade and made it through (at least I think so), but I was not at my best. Whatever I seemed to do was not working for me and on top of that I missed family. I don't want to blame LA because the first 5 or 6 years there were amazing and I thought I would never leave. I don't know if I changed, it changed or I just missed home (I do consider Brooklyn home now, don't be mad Philly). This is like a second honeymoon with my first love, we will see if it is forever or if I just have on rose colored glasses. Either way I am enjoying this moment and that is what matters most.
I used to look at that question as a loaded one. I would use all kinds of disclaimers and qualifiers. Rarely just answering the question with a flat out yes I am. I feel right now I am very much happy with no qualifiers needed. Things are by no means perfect, but I do not feel the need or urge to dwell on them. Things shift and change so quickly here. Funny things is right now I am in a kind of blah mood as I write this and get ready for work, but I am still happy. It is damn weird. When I get "down" here a walk in the park lifts me up tremendously, going to a gallery or whatever that case may be. My blahs don't seem to last as long now as they did in the past. So yeah, I don't have much else to say. Anything else would feel forced from me and be a qualifier.
Peace,
MAB
Showing posts with label Truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Truth. Show all posts
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Fork In The Road
So there has been a lot going on in the last week or so that has social networks in a tizzy. From Paula Deen to the SCOTUS folks are in full reactionary mode. I sort of get it but not really. It completely frustrates me that we continuously give our power away. We continuously put our trust in a system that does not return the favor at all. The two party system has been flawed and ineffective for decades now, but yet we come back expecting a change to something that has shown no signs of changing. So then we get a decision like today and we wonder why it happened. We threaten to renew or get new passports and leave this evil place, but then that complacency kicks back in. We go back to our preoccupied lives and wait for the next thing to come along to rile us then pause and repeat the whole process. That was a sweeping generalization of which I usually attempt to stay away from, but sometimes what we see is what we get.
As long as we continue to be reactive as opposed to proactive about how we participate in the political process we (black people, people of color and poor people) will continue to be left behind, and/or dependent upon others to do something for us. We keep looking at the causes but never the root of the problems. Hence we keep coming back to the same place. A few years back people were angry when Troy Davis was executed in Georgia, but how many of us know our candidates position on capital punishment? How many challenged them to change their position on the subject? Personally speaking I will not vote for anyone who supports capital punishment, and this was before the Troy Davis execution. I believe in being an educated voter not just a partisan one. The political, racial and social divide in the country is getting deeper by that day and social networking and mainstream media is helping to usher it along.
I feel that we are in a time of excess opinion, so in a lot of way this blog is a contradiction. That being said I do believe we need more compassionate voices to speak out and stand up. People who have no allegiances to any party or person. People who are willing to look beyond posters and bumper stickers and seek out truth. That doesn't mean I don't believe that people cannot support the two parties. I just believe that we should be willing to challenge those we support as hard as we do those that we oppose, and right now that is not happening. Fundamentalism is running rampant and some folks are clueless as to what they are fundamentaling about. We are being led blindly, and reacting to what we are being told to react to.
I do not have all of the answers, but I have a ton of questions and a lot of passion. I do not believe a system (this system) can truly set us back unless we allow it. When the people put their minds and hearts into genuine change amazing things happen. We can't wait on legislation we have to force their hand. It cannot be a short sighted mission either, two months and then oops back to life as normal. Sustained change takes time and effort. Even on an individual level if we want change we have to stick to it to get results. A new political and social movement won't be had in one cycle or two or three. It may take more than our lifetime but I for one want my descendants to have something better than we do now.
Peace,
MAB
As long as we continue to be reactive as opposed to proactive about how we participate in the political process we (black people, people of color and poor people) will continue to be left behind, and/or dependent upon others to do something for us. We keep looking at the causes but never the root of the problems. Hence we keep coming back to the same place. A few years back people were angry when Troy Davis was executed in Georgia, but how many of us know our candidates position on capital punishment? How many challenged them to change their position on the subject? Personally speaking I will not vote for anyone who supports capital punishment, and this was before the Troy Davis execution. I believe in being an educated voter not just a partisan one. The political, racial and social divide in the country is getting deeper by that day and social networking and mainstream media is helping to usher it along.
I feel that we are in a time of excess opinion, so in a lot of way this blog is a contradiction. That being said I do believe we need more compassionate voices to speak out and stand up. People who have no allegiances to any party or person. People who are willing to look beyond posters and bumper stickers and seek out truth. That doesn't mean I don't believe that people cannot support the two parties. I just believe that we should be willing to challenge those we support as hard as we do those that we oppose, and right now that is not happening. Fundamentalism is running rampant and some folks are clueless as to what they are fundamentaling about. We are being led blindly, and reacting to what we are being told to react to.
I do not have all of the answers, but I have a ton of questions and a lot of passion. I do not believe a system (this system) can truly set us back unless we allow it. When the people put their minds and hearts into genuine change amazing things happen. We can't wait on legislation we have to force their hand. It cannot be a short sighted mission either, two months and then oops back to life as normal. Sustained change takes time and effort. Even on an individual level if we want change we have to stick to it to get results. A new political and social movement won't be had in one cycle or two or three. It may take more than our lifetime but I for one want my descendants to have something better than we do now.
Peace,
MAB
Monday, June 17, 2013
Mortal Lives
One day we will wake up and be gone. Life as we know it will have ended. Loves ones will cry and other may not. There will be a void left where your presence once stood. Life is that valuable, that precious and honestly that fragile for some. Things can happen in a split second. Your food can go down the wrong way, or you can cross the street at the wrong time. Any number of things can happen in a moments notice. I try not dwell on it too much, but since my Moms was 36 when she passed sometimes it just hits me. Or when I am thinking about someone I adore and that one of us will out last the other. I don't know it is kind of weird to me really. I mean I have my beliefs about the after life, but for real I don't really know what happens after that last breath.
So yeah, remember nothing is a given. Say frickin' thank you when someone does something nice for you. Smile back when someone smiles at you (provided it ain't creepy). Do something random like run through the rain (I was gonna say in your undies, but that would be creepy). Feed someone's meter or leave the change in a soda machine for the next person. I guess my point is...DON'T TAKE SHIT OR YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY! I mean I have causes and beliefs that I am passionate about, and I put in mad effort but life goes on with or without me. I take my personal health serious but not too serious where it infringes on others ability to be around me. That's what I mean when we take ourselves so seriously that others can't have an idea or thought that contradicts our narrow view of the world...
Anywho! It is almost my bedtime and as I thought about my prayers and family it hit me to write what was on my heart at this moment.
Peace & Love,
MAB
So yeah, remember nothing is a given. Say frickin' thank you when someone does something nice for you. Smile back when someone smiles at you (provided it ain't creepy). Do something random like run through the rain (I was gonna say in your undies, but that would be creepy). Feed someone's meter or leave the change in a soda machine for the next person. I guess my point is...DON'T TAKE SHIT OR YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY! I mean I have causes and beliefs that I am passionate about, and I put in mad effort but life goes on with or without me. I take my personal health serious but not too serious where it infringes on others ability to be around me. That's what I mean when we take ourselves so seriously that others can't have an idea or thought that contradicts our narrow view of the world...
Anywho! It is almost my bedtime and as I thought about my prayers and family it hit me to write what was on my heart at this moment.
Peace & Love,
MAB
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Games People Play
Yesterday I had a conversation via Twitter with my cousin regarding an article I read on Philly.com about a Philadelphia based Reverend who was dis-invited from speaking at Morehouse commencement ceremony for an article he had written in a news paper being critical of President Obama. The article (I will attach a copy) questioned the amount of Black people in his cabinet as well as his lack of addressing Black issues during his Presidency. Of course the article drew a wide range of reactions from various people. A lot of people defended the President and some sided with the Minister. I was curious as to how my cousin felt about this, since he lives in Philly and has a closer pulse of what is going on the city than I do. I visit Philly but haven't really lived there in years. Anyway, he didn't disagree with the main points in the article he just disagreed with the timing of the article. He felt that the minister had his own agenda and wasn't playing the political game correctly. I don't like to really go deep on Twitter because a conversation can fill up a whole TL is you're not careful, but we went back and forth not really disagreeing in substance but really on the timing issue in the article.
For the record I don't agree with the Morehouse decision, even though they claim that the article was not the reason for the change. I felt their timing was off and it does not encourage critical thinking in a society that becoming more and more devoid of critical free-thinkers. Basically it is censorship of those we disagree with. Now to be open about it, it is often pointed out that I am not a "supporter" of the President which is true, but I don't support too many politicians on either side of the "aisle". I have been a staunch proponent of a 3 (4 or 5) party system for roughly 20 years now. We need more options... Better choices... Too many people in this current system go under on unserved and many of them are Black and/or poor. This system has not addressed poverty, failing education or unemployment in a substantive way. Yet Black people support the Democratic portion of this system anywhere from 85 to 95% per any given election, but the return on investment doesn't match the effort put out to get them elected. Honestly it is more aggravating at this point because it is clear that things won't change as long as we keep doing the status quo, and keep using the lame argument that they are better than Republicans for "us". Being better than something that is bad doesn't make it good for anyone. We are stagnant, complacent and comfortable in a situation where should not be any of those. We can do better.
The argument that also annoys me is when I hear folks talking about the political game that needs to be played. Well it is not a game when children go to bed hungry, when the people cannot get proper medical attention because even under the new medical reforms they can't afford it. It is not a game in Chicago (or other major cities) where the crime rate is sky rocketing on weekly basis, and the high school dropout rate is soaring as well. It is not a game for those who have to give up their homes and cars because they can't find a job. Life is not a game for most people, or at least not a game they feel they can win. We can do better. We have to ask more questions about why the resources don't trickle down in a political system that is supposed to spread the wealth. The dream is too often deferred for many. If this was a game the clock is running out on way too many of us. It is time to move beyond symbolism, we need tangible improvement not simply change. We need better! We need to do it now!
http://www.phillytrib.com/newsarticles/item/8637-a-president-for-everyone,-except-black-people.html
http://www.philly.com/philly/education/20130427_Group__College_disinvites_Phila__pastor_who_criticzed_Obama.html
For the record I don't agree with the Morehouse decision, even though they claim that the article was not the reason for the change. I felt their timing was off and it does not encourage critical thinking in a society that becoming more and more devoid of critical free-thinkers. Basically it is censorship of those we disagree with. Now to be open about it, it is often pointed out that I am not a "supporter" of the President which is true, but I don't support too many politicians on either side of the "aisle". I have been a staunch proponent of a 3 (4 or 5) party system for roughly 20 years now. We need more options... Better choices... Too many people in this current system go under on unserved and many of them are Black and/or poor. This system has not addressed poverty, failing education or unemployment in a substantive way. Yet Black people support the Democratic portion of this system anywhere from 85 to 95% per any given election, but the return on investment doesn't match the effort put out to get them elected. Honestly it is more aggravating at this point because it is clear that things won't change as long as we keep doing the status quo, and keep using the lame argument that they are better than Republicans for "us". Being better than something that is bad doesn't make it good for anyone. We are stagnant, complacent and comfortable in a situation where should not be any of those. We can do better.
The argument that also annoys me is when I hear folks talking about the political game that needs to be played. Well it is not a game when children go to bed hungry, when the people cannot get proper medical attention because even under the new medical reforms they can't afford it. It is not a game in Chicago (or other major cities) where the crime rate is sky rocketing on weekly basis, and the high school dropout rate is soaring as well. It is not a game for those who have to give up their homes and cars because they can't find a job. Life is not a game for most people, or at least not a game they feel they can win. We can do better. We have to ask more questions about why the resources don't trickle down in a political system that is supposed to spread the wealth. The dream is too often deferred for many. If this was a game the clock is running out on way too many of us. It is time to move beyond symbolism, we need tangible improvement not simply change. We need better! We need to do it now!
http://www.phillytrib.com/newsarticles/item/8637-a-president-for-everyone,-except-black-people.html
http://www.philly.com/philly/education/20130427_Group__College_disinvites_Phila__pastor_who_criticzed_Obama.html
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Like Father Like Son
Last Thursday my Pop was in a car accident. It was a 5 car collision and the person who rear ended him was either texting or something but she didn't break and that led him to hit the car in front of him and so forth and so on. The lady who hit him, her car flipped twice. I am thankful that he is okay (and the driver of the other cars as well), he is a little sore, but he is doing well otherwise. I went to Philly to check on him this weekend. I took him grocery shopping and just spent a few hours with him. I'm realizing as we grow older tomorrow is not promised and we have to cherish each moment. I was planning to go down that way this weekend (Philly/South Jersey) to see my niece off to her junior prom (she looked beautiful) so I decided to extend my stay and check in on him and my aunt as well. Even though I am very much a loner and love my me time, my family is very important to me. Sometimes I get so rapped up in my own world of activities that I forget to check in and simply say I love you. I take for granted that they know this but it is always nice to hear....
So yeah, while hanging with my Pops I just listened and I really noticed that we do have a lot of similarities in the way we think. On top of having similar mannerism as well. My mother always told me I walked with my Pop. This is peculiar to me, because I was not raised by my father; actually we had very little contact until my early 20s. Our relationship has been an exercise in forgiveness on probably both behalf's because I was passive aggressive and held a grudge longer than I needed to. He constantly reminds me to let go of yesterday and live in the moment. Build on the good things that happen and let go of the negative things. He has said this to me for 20 years now, but my bitterness didn't let me hear it for half of those years. I need to grow up, be a man a learn to forgive. I have and I am a better man for it.
Bottom line is, I am my father's son. I am of course paving my own way through life and am learning as I go along. He told me years ago he won't give me advice unless I ask because they are my choices and I have to live them and then he said..."plus you gonna do what you want to do anyway." I appreciate that, he supports me in what I do and doesn't dwell on the choices I make that may not turn out as I hoped. It is my turn to continue to accept him as he is, which in the overall scheme of things is pretty darn good. Funny, I feel like a kid when I am around him now, even though he never treats me like one. Just a thought popped into my head. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for him as a man and as my father, and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to spend this time with him. So many cats never get that opportunity, so no more whining about what wasn't. It is about the present moment.
Side note on the end of this...
I was impressed that when we went shopping he bought healthy things read the labels for sodium content, and stayed away from red meat and pork. He has hypertension, so it is good to know he is watching what he eats.
So yeah, while hanging with my Pops I just listened and I really noticed that we do have a lot of similarities in the way we think. On top of having similar mannerism as well. My mother always told me I walked with my Pop. This is peculiar to me, because I was not raised by my father; actually we had very little contact until my early 20s. Our relationship has been an exercise in forgiveness on probably both behalf's because I was passive aggressive and held a grudge longer than I needed to. He constantly reminds me to let go of yesterday and live in the moment. Build on the good things that happen and let go of the negative things. He has said this to me for 20 years now, but my bitterness didn't let me hear it for half of those years. I need to grow up, be a man a learn to forgive. I have and I am a better man for it.
Bottom line is, I am my father's son. I am of course paving my own way through life and am learning as I go along. He told me years ago he won't give me advice unless I ask because they are my choices and I have to live them and then he said..."plus you gonna do what you want to do anyway." I appreciate that, he supports me in what I do and doesn't dwell on the choices I make that may not turn out as I hoped. It is my turn to continue to accept him as he is, which in the overall scheme of things is pretty darn good. Funny, I feel like a kid when I am around him now, even though he never treats me like one. Just a thought popped into my head. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for him as a man and as my father, and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to spend this time with him. So many cats never get that opportunity, so no more whining about what wasn't. It is about the present moment.
Side note on the end of this...
I was impressed that when we went shopping he bought healthy things read the labels for sodium content, and stayed away from red meat and pork. He has hypertension, so it is good to know he is watching what he eats.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
This Journey
I've been thinking a lot lately about this journey, my journey, this Life, my Life. After my friend took his life, a feeling of mortality really hit me. Life is short and precious...Our time is valuable, or should be at least. We matter to someone somewhere out there. Even if we may not see it or believe it. So many times many of us go through life not knowing we are loved simply because. True love requires no return investment (although it would be nice). People may love us from afar or via a casual encounter somewhere, and something about us touched a place in their heart. The way we smiled or held open a door for someone and let them pass first. The slightest gesture can inspire feelings of love from another. I am speaking on that intangible love, by the way, not the Hollywood romance type of thing.
Anyway, I began this blog a while ago to track the changes in my life. To share my experiences as I change my thought to change my life. Looking back on it now it was kind of vague because change could mean anything. I wasn't as clear then in my own mind as to what it is I wanted or was seeking. Ask and It is Given, but what am I asking for? At the time I may have been clear but through evolution, space and time we realize that life is so much more than just what we previously experienced. Yeah, so I was starting this blog because I was unhappy, dissatisfied or eager for something new in my Life. Chances are it was surrounding money since I always seemed to be unhappy financially, but I digress. So again the question arose in me today, why am I doing this? What is it that, before I physically leave this planet, would leave me totally fulfilled?
As a child 3 things that people said about me resonate the most. I was sensitive (a cry-baby/mommy's boy), funny and had a vivid imagination. Although Moms is not here to a certain extent all 3 are still very true. They've been my foundation and the thing I retreat to when I need a release from the real world. I've added other dimensions to my personality but at my core these are the elements I've carried with me the longest. They've sustained me... I hide the sensitivity part because... well I just did. Lately though with so much turmoil in the world, it has been more difficult to just tuck it away. So I use a pen, pad and camera to work through it. The thing that I am working on is "worrying" about how it will be received, and simply letting it Be.
MAB
Pieces Of A Man
Gil Scott-Heron
Anyway, I began this blog a while ago to track the changes in my life. To share my experiences as I change my thought to change my life. Looking back on it now it was kind of vague because change could mean anything. I wasn't as clear then in my own mind as to what it is I wanted or was seeking. Ask and It is Given, but what am I asking for? At the time I may have been clear but through evolution, space and time we realize that life is so much more than just what we previously experienced. Yeah, so I was starting this blog because I was unhappy, dissatisfied or eager for something new in my Life. Chances are it was surrounding money since I always seemed to be unhappy financially, but I digress. So again the question arose in me today, why am I doing this? What is it that, before I physically leave this planet, would leave me totally fulfilled?
As a child 3 things that people said about me resonate the most. I was sensitive (a cry-baby/mommy's boy), funny and had a vivid imagination. Although Moms is not here to a certain extent all 3 are still very true. They've been my foundation and the thing I retreat to when I need a release from the real world. I've added other dimensions to my personality but at my core these are the elements I've carried with me the longest. They've sustained me... I hide the sensitivity part because... well I just did. Lately though with so much turmoil in the world, it has been more difficult to just tuck it away. So I use a pen, pad and camera to work through it. The thing that I am working on is "worrying" about how it will be received, and simply letting it Be.
MAB
Gil Scott-Heron
Thursday, March 28, 2013
The Light
In our own unique way, I believe each of us are seeking The Light. Whether it be the Light at the end of the tunnel or a light within ourselves that lets us know everything will be okay. We want it and we need it, but we've managed to somehow let that light dim or believe that it is too far away to see and achieve so we've given up. I know on many occasions I've wanted to pack it in and call it a day, but that voice on the inside keeps me searching and seeking that Light! It is not always literal giving up, but many of us wake up every day defeated and resigned to our previous days fate unwilling or unable to see something new and refreshing in this day.
I watched PBS NewsHour last night and it is by far a better news source than anything else out there. I didn't feel manipulated, frightened or worried about my Life while watching it. It was literally just reporting followed by a couple of feel good worthy stories at the end. It had me thinking about other "news" sources and how their quest for ratings has taken the focus away from true journalism into a type of variety show. It dims our Light. It has us fearing the invisible that may or may not ever happen. It doesn't teach us to search for the answers and seek out our Light. It doesn't inform us on how we as a nation and as a people can be of service to others and a healing Light to the world. It leaves us empty, it is calories without substance.
My Light gets dimmed every once in a while! I begin to focus on the things that aren't going right or going the way that I may have wanted them to go, and lose sight of the bigger picture in and for my Life. I intended to write a scathing blog today on people's (via the media) laziness and all that, but in the end it is better to shine a Light than curse the darkness as they say. Go outside today, this morning even and as Richard Pryor said in his autobiography, "let a little sun hit your face."
Peace & Love,
MAB
I watched PBS NewsHour last night and it is by far a better news source than anything else out there. I didn't feel manipulated, frightened or worried about my Life while watching it. It was literally just reporting followed by a couple of feel good worthy stories at the end. It had me thinking about other "news" sources and how their quest for ratings has taken the focus away from true journalism into a type of variety show. It dims our Light. It has us fearing the invisible that may or may not ever happen. It doesn't teach us to search for the answers and seek out our Light. It doesn't inform us on how we as a nation and as a people can be of service to others and a healing Light to the world. It leaves us empty, it is calories without substance.
My Light gets dimmed every once in a while! I begin to focus on the things that aren't going right or going the way that I may have wanted them to go, and lose sight of the bigger picture in and for my Life. I intended to write a scathing blog today on people's (via the media) laziness and all that, but in the end it is better to shine a Light than curse the darkness as they say. Go outside today, this morning even and as Richard Pryor said in his autobiography, "let a little sun hit your face."
Peace & Love,
MAB
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
The Pressure
When I am in this creative state that I'm in right now I put a lot pressure on myself to get IT done right now. I get restless, impatient and annoyed easily. It feels like the world is passing me by and I'm completely worthless because the project(s) aren't done. Completely irrational I know, but that is what's happening right about now. These are the times when I really need to slow down and say everything is okay, this process takes time and you are not on anyone else's schedule. Relax and have fun which is why I started this in the beginning.
Desperation can breed irrational behavior and inappropriate choices. It doesn't allow us to act wisely or take the time to sit back and think things through. What I noticed over the last couple of weeks is that putting pressure on myself has led to an unnecessary sense of desperation and is leading me to go back and straighten out some wrongs that could've been right if I had just chilled out and let it be.
Anywho, we live and learn. Or as my Pop likes to say, "If yesterday was a good day build on it, if not let it go." Thanks Pop! I'm letting it go and moving onward. No more Pressure
Pic by www.musicstack.com
Song- A Tribe Called Quest-The Pressure
Desperation can breed irrational behavior and inappropriate choices. It doesn't allow us to act wisely or take the time to sit back and think things through. What I noticed over the last couple of weeks is that putting pressure on myself has led to an unnecessary sense of desperation and is leading me to go back and straighten out some wrongs that could've been right if I had just chilled out and let it be.
Anywho, we live and learn. Or as my Pop likes to say, "If yesterday was a good day build on it, if not let it go." Thanks Pop! I'm letting it go and moving onward. No more Pressure
Song- A Tribe Called Quest-The Pressure
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Projections Of The Way Life Used To Be.
So today while having a conversation with a great friend of mine, I was about project my fears on spending, saving and loot in general. As I was about to express my opinion I stopped myself for a couple reasons. Well really one reason...HE DIDN'T ASK ME! Basically had I shared my opinion it would have been Ego and fear driven based on my own insecurities.
To often in life we are too willing to share when it isn't warranted or welcomed. We have to know when what we our sharing is a help or a hindrance. The human ego is a powerful tool! I don't believe it is always as bad as people make it out to be when used properly so to speak. It has allowed me to know when to say when and when to push through. It can be useful when trained to be.
So I guess the moral of the story is to STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE! Unless someone asks you to merge.
To often in life we are too willing to share when it isn't warranted or welcomed. We have to know when what we our sharing is a help or a hindrance. The human ego is a powerful tool! I don't believe it is always as bad as people make it out to be when used properly so to speak. It has allowed me to know when to say when and when to push through. It can be useful when trained to be.
So I guess the moral of the story is to STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE! Unless someone asks you to merge.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
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