Gimme The Loot, Gimme The Loot

Word!

So here I am trapped in my head once again...

It is different this time but in some ways similar...

I was going to write last night about my dysfunctional relationship with money, finances and that whole deal. Then I read a friends blog when I got home and it was so eerily similar to what I wanted to say that I just took that in and let it really marinate. Also since I've started blogging I've met so many people who could relate to my challenges in Life and what I went through (good and bad) to be where I am today...

"Michael Jackson was right we are not alone"...

As I roamed North Hollywood today seemingly stuck in my financial rut... I really didn't feel the normal sense of despair that I get when I am in this state of mind...


Kind of difficult to explain...

I've never been particularly good at saving or paying my bills on time or anything that didn't involve spending money...

And as I evolve into my artistic way of living I do believe I need to get over my fear of having (and keeping) money...

For so many years I bought into the money is evil way of thinking...and needing to struggle and all that jazz

But now I see it differently...

Just need to find a way to articulate it...and change that thought process now...

My lack of finances has caused a lot of inner turmoil with me...

Even when I had decent paying jobs I found ways to not keep money in my pocket which would lead to me beating up on myself and questioning my self-worth...

Now I am not questioning my worth at all, but I do need to move away from the consciousness of lack and limitation and think more abundantly...

Instead of working from the outside in I have to really get into a different state of mind...state of being...

Raise my level of expectations about myself being willing to give my all and expect the best that Life has to offer....

I am really not conveying my point...kind of feel I am half stepping and short changing myself as I right this...

I am partially distracted by a conversation I had with a friend today and I realize that we are moving in different directions in Life and that this is okay and all it to move away if that is where it is going...

Yeah...

Basically... I have had (past tense) an effed up relationship with money and now I need to grow embrace all the possibilities life has to offer and stop running from myself...

Ah yes...

That just struck a chord right there...I tend to duck and hide from head on confrontations with myself... put it on the back burner and allow it to just sit there...

Never really answered the questions I asked of myself...to afraid of the answer...

Hmmm...