Legacy

Many years ago I would frequent this spot called The Bounty in Los Angeles. I enjoyed The Bounty for many reasons there were older patrons there who had fascinating stories about music, arts and old LA to share. It had a Cheers kind of vibe to it. I met some truly incredible people there.  We shared plenty of drinks, laughs and debates over the years. One of the people I came to know, admire and love was an older cat named Frank. When I first met Frank our friendship was mostly filled with loud arguments and disagreements, not exclusively but yeah. Looking back on it now we were both passionate about the Black community, and that passion mixed with alcohol can be volatile and blinding. Funny thing happened though; I moved from the neighborhood and didn’t come around as much. When I came back I noticed a shift in Frank, he had lost weight and wasn’t nearly as hostile.  He was more willing to engage, listen and ask questions. This in turn allowed me to do the same. He had changed diet, cut down on the drinking and become more flexible in his views. This is not that common for someone well into their 60s. He shared with me his reasoning, and our friendship shifted to a mutual respect and admiration. I learned a lot from Frank. I also helped him with computer and social media questions he was having. I learned from Frank that it is never too late to change, grow and/or adjust. I am grateful for that and the many lessons I learned from him.

I bring up Frank and The Bounty because in one of our earliest conversations Frank mentioned that I should begin to think about what my legacy will be on this planet. Before then I never really quite thought about it before. Legacy! He pointed that everyone has a legacy no matter how big or small.  I’ve wondered since then if legacy is something that we have complete control, or if someone’s perception of the situation can alter our individual legacies. So many questions! I’m the inquisitive type with a small bout of perfectionism to boot. I mean, I know who I think I am and that is all I can really control, but I also know that I’ve had good intention and still made horrible choices. It happens. I think I’ve done more “good” than “bad” but that is my interpretation of me. The flip side is should I really care of others perception of me? What seemed very clear cut at one point snowballed into myriad of questions and alternate scenarios.  The solution I am working on is to simply do my best, be clear with my intentions and tell my truth. I believe those are the best ways to honor and create my legacy.

While walking down Church Avenue the other day, I watched a mother interact with her child. I for some reason had no doubt that the mother loved her child, but if you only looked at the surface it might not be as clear. She was cussing and was clearly frustrated with the child in that moment. I thought back to Frank and the issue of legacy. It also had me thinking about the things we pass on and carry down. So much of what we do as a society is inherently passed down blindly from one generation to the next. If we think it worked for us then that is what we pass down. Even if we do not think it worked for us, it may be all we know. If our experiences do not show us anything different, we may not know that an alternate solution exists. People find it hard to believe, but in my experience it is “the truth”. I was spanked or whooped whatever you want to call it as a child. Luckily I also encountered kids who were not spanked and didn’t go to jail or become some unsavory character as we are led to believe would happen if the rod was spared. Since I was not a fan of being spanked and saw alternatives it dictated my view on how I would raise my children if or when I would have them. For some it is just easier to carry on what you know. Seeking alternatives takes time and effort. Instead of judging other in moments like that, I simply ask myself what am I carrying with me and is it my choice.