The Power of "I don't know"...

Recovery takes time…

But time is of the essence…

Here’s the thing. I am a recovering know it all. Yes, I was that guy who had ALL the answers. Even if you had the correct answer I would slide in with a side of semantics just to be included in the correctness. It had gotten to the point where I would make up “facts” if I didn’t have the answer hoping no one would fact check it. Crazy...right?  Then I encountered some folks (some I already knew) who took “knowitallness” to another level, and I would get extremely annoyed. I got annoyed because one the shit was annoying and B. it caused me to look at my own behavior. So you know what that meant, yeah I was annoying too. Shit! So began (and am continuing) the journey of I don’t know. In the past I considered I don’t know to be a sign of ignorance, and I equated ignorance with stupidity. The two are NOT the same! Ignorance and stupidity are not the same. Through time and usage we have intertwined the two, and it often feels like irrevocably. I am recognizing now that I don’t know is the (or could be) beginning of an educating process. The first steps to learning something new, because I am a curious person when I don’t know something I look it up. When I knew it all, that rarely happened. I would give my answer and leave it at that. There are times now that I will say I don’t know even if I do know, so I can hopefully learn something new instead of leaning on my old understanding and way of doing things. I guess that would be call growth. There are many ways to skin a cat (why would you though?) and just because I know one way doesn’t mean that other ways aren’t equally as effective.

“Time won’t give me time…”

It sometimes felt like I was in a constant state of “recovery”. Creating ailments and issues to overcome and conquer. I mean why not, it feels good to “conquer” something right? Then you get to share that victory and get pats on the back and yeah…but then what? When does the wellness begin? When does the fruit of meditating and yoga and eating right become your absolute way of life? What happens when you realize the dead dragon you’ve slayed 100 times won’t get back up, and the audience that cheered the first slaying are no longer impressed? Creating imaginary foes is exhausting, more exhausting than fighting the real ones. The mind is powerful; something imagined can have more strength and weigh on us in ways that real foes don’t have the power to.  

“Time after time…”

Words and intentions are cute and often well intended, but actions are the barometer. Will my actions coincide with my intentions? Before my answer would be “time will tell”. That was an indictment on that fact that I didn’t believe I could change. Yes has to be the answer. It is the ultimate dragon slayer. It is the bridge to newness. It opens up doors and creates possibilities. When I began acting and we were studying improv the very first rule was do not deny. To me that was equated with say yes to the situation. Life can be like that, denial stops growth in its tracks. Yes gives us an opportunity to grow. Knowing it all is a form of denial. It inhibits growth, and can be counterproductive. Know what you are saying yes to, and if you don’t know (or even if you do know)…ask.