Enough To Go Around

Little know fact about me...I can be competitive to a fault. I want to be THE ONE...whatever that means at a certain time...I wanna be "on top"...I realized this a few years back and pretty much had it in check. I was and am willing to celebrate the achievements and goals of my friends. I definitely wanted (and want) to see friends (non friends too) do well, but that part of me would keep rearing its head. What about me? When I'm gonna get mine? Etc. yadda yadda... anywho... I've started to wonder why that really was and is. Why do I feel the need to compete directly or indirectly? It could be that I am focusing so much time and energy on what I don't have (or think that I don't have) that what others seem to have is more appealing to me. The grass appears to be greener on the other side.

Consciously I am very happy when friends (I get it really bad if I'm just alright with you) book a gig, get engaged a better job or whatever, and it is not as if I want them to not have IT. I just want mine as well...ha... Just maybe a little different to suite my personal goals and ambitions.

But yeah...

I was gonna write some ole cool Sh*t to not make myself bad about having a case of the envies, but it is what it is ya know... I had it recognized it as a feeling that didn't sit well with me, so I got it off my chest and am moving on. No after school specials over here. Every once in awhile I get so consumed about how I appear to others that I just forget about just being me.
Yeah...